International stand up to bullying day

BULLYING is such a serious issue in life – both through childhood and into adulthood that there are several key ‘moments’ throughout the year to raise awareness of it. As a victim of bullying myself, it’s a subject I talk about and refer to frequently.

One of those moments is coming up on Friday February 26. While the most recognised Stand up to Bullying Day takes place around the world, in November as part of anti-bullying week, this particular day creates awareness earlier in the year. 

The first Stand Up to Bullying Day took place in February 2008 where 236 schools, workplace and organisations, representing more than 125,000 students and staff, registered to take a ‘Stand’ and pledged to wear pink shirts. This small act is a visual representation that bullying is not okay and needs to be recognised and acted upon so that victims of it feel empowered and supported. 

Participating in Standing Up to Bullying, means you sign up to wear a pink shirt and to stand shoulder to shoulder with those who are also campaigning. 

This idea is based on a campaign started by Travis Price and David Shepherd, two students who took a stand for a fellow student who was bullied for wearing a pink shirt to school. In support, these two young went home and purchased 50 pink shirts and handed them out at school the next day, encouraging everyone to take a stand against bullying. It may be easy for a bully to pick on one person – much harder for them to pick on 51 people. 

How can you prevent bullying?

I was bullied both physically and mentally during my time at school and into the work place. You can read more about this in my previous blog.

Bullying is prevalent in school and in work – if someone is a bully at school, then it is likely they will continue that behaviour when they are in work if action is not taken to deal with whatever their issues are – whatever it is which has led them to believe this behaviour is acceptable.

Being bullied can seriously harm both your mental and physical health and can have repercussions through the decades. This in turn, can lead to major stress, anxiety, depression, trauma and high blood pressure.

For some people, like me, it can form part of a motivation to do things in my life differently such as start my own business. However, it doesn’t make that experience acceptable. Now as a mother, I’m more motivated than ever to shine a light on bullying.

It’s important to remember that bullying is not just something that happens in childhood, often around schools. It can also happen in the workplace where it can be more covert, more insidious and more hidden.

If you are suffering in your workplace, I hope these few tips will help you take appropriate action to deal with the situation. Don’t suffer in silence as it will simply store up future problems for you.

Five Tips to deal with your workplace bully

*Speak up early on.

Challenge the bully in what they are saying, keep calm, and ask them to treat you with respect, using their name a lot, so that it becomes personal to them.

Be super aware of your body language as this is the key factor in how a bully will react. Make sure you stand tall, arms by your side and look straight at them. If you stand with arms folded, looking at the floor, you will appear nervous and that gives a bully confidence to continue. Don’t let this first incident of bullying slide, it could get worse so take control and set the tone.

For example, in my early 20’s I was bullied in the workplace. It was my first ‘proper’ job in an area I thought would be my chosen career working with Human Resources. I had always had an interest in helping people so working in Human Resources was a big interest for me. 

Unfortunately, the lady I was working with took a real dislike to me. She didn’t like my ambition, she criticised the way I dressed, she would follow me to the kitchen to see what I was doing and who I was speaking to. Considering I was only 21 at the time, I asked for a meeting with her to try and resolve the issue. She claimed that I was terrible at my job and she was going to put me on to a performance management plan. This of course devastated me because I thought I was working hard and no one else had complained about my work. Now I’m older, I realise that it was very likely that she did this because I had challenged her. In the end it became too much for me and I decided to move to a different department. 

A few weeks into my new role I saw this lady having coffee with my new manager. That’s strange I thought, why would they be together? The next thing I knew, my new manager suddenly had a long list of issues that he had with me but absolutely no proof to back it up. My trust in him was gone from that moment on. I tried to persevere in the role but I would dread going in each day.

I decided to leave the company completely after 18 months as I felt like I would never be able to escape this issue. However, I was determined not to let these people get away with what they had put me through and risk someone else being treated in the same way. 

So, I followed all relevant internal processes to raise a grievance before leaving the company, and when I left, I took legal action. 

Remember, bullies should never get away with acting in this way. The long term affects it has on people can sometimes never go away. 

*Document the abuse and your performance

If it takes you a while to realise you are being bullied, and that early action isn’t possible, document what is happening to you and any comments any third parties make – others often notice the bullying too.

Keep a journal stating, who, what, when, where and why the things happened.

Also, keep any other evidence to back up your side of the story, e.g. emails etc. 

If your performance has been criticised as part of this bullying behaviour, collect documentation that shows exactly how you have been working, and include any praise you have received from other people involved in that work/project.

Identify who you can talk to about this evolving situation and make an appointment to see them.

For example, a former colleague of mine faced this scenario and it took her a while to realise she was being bullied because the bully had been a colleague for several years and something had changed in the relationship and she had no idea why. When she raised it with HR, and shared her journal plus a statement from a colleague, HR took action and ensured that they were present at any meeting with my colleague and the bully – who was her boss at the time.

*Take care of yourself outside work

Bullying can have a detrimental effect on you outside of the office. It can make you very grumpy and irritable at home. Take part in things that make you happy, and help you relax, and take your mind off work problems.

Talk to your loved ones about it, but don’t continually moan, otherwise, that could put a strain on your relationship. Ensure they know that you are taking action to deal with it.

*Do your research

Find out if your company has a policy about bullying in the workplace.

Check your employee handbook or any other document that sets out the company’s ethos, values and expectations.

*Talk to your manager

If you’ve made attempts to sort the problem out yourself, but not got anywhere, then talk to your boss.

However, if it is the boss who is the bully, you need to talk to HR, or if you belong to a professional organisation, ask if they have advice or support.

The key thing out of all of this is that a bully needs to be confronted one way or another. While their behaviour may have consequences for them, which you cannot help, it may also help them deal with issues in their own lives which have been ignored or not recognised. Sometimes calling out a bully can actually help them too.

For more information about Stand Up To Bullying visit
https://www.antibullyingcrusader.com/day/international-stand-bullying-day